Let us take a moment of silence for those we have lost and for those still struggling.
Stigma
Stigma is a set of negative and often unfair beliefs that a society or group of people hold about something. Societal misconceptions about addiction often frame it as a moral failure or a sign of weak character, rather than recognizing it as a complex response to deeper suffering or trauma. This perspective is careless and crippling, creating unnecessary barriers to healing and recovery.Stigma around addiction breeds a fear of judgment that steals our courage and willingness to seek help. As a result, we fall deeper into isolation, firmly attaching to despair and sharing company with hopelessness, shame, and resentment. Unfair and hurtful assumptions about the person behind the addiction send the message that they lack moral strength or emotional resilience. This viewpoint values righteousness over empathy, ensuring that suppression, not a healing connection, prevails.Significant emotional pain often mar an addict’s past—some stemming from early points in life. These traumatic experiences shape brain circuitry dictating our emotional responses and self-regulation. In seeking relief, we find solace in addictive substances and behaviors. Unfortunately, this ill-fated attempt to manage suffering often reveals its futility only after much hope, dignity, and sanity are lost.Compassion dissolves stigma. We all deal with painful emotions and need help. Without healthy coping skills, harmful behaviors persist and without the courage to reach out for help due to fear of judgment, addiction thrives - ensuring more pain, more isolation, and a widening, deadly silence.We, as humans, all experience suffering. As a society, we can choose to soften our hearts, extend our humanity, and shift the focus from punishment to healing, support, and compassion.
Judgment
If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.Virginia Woolf
Judgment
Addiction often leaves behind a heavy emotional and psychological debt, a legacy of its wreckage. We may lose confidence in our own judgment across all aspects of life—from recognizing our flaws and strengths to acknowledging our trespasses and triumphs. As we begin looking inward, we gain precious self-knowledge, a clear-sightedness about who we are and what we value at a core level. With this insight, we understand our own motives and actions more clearly; we discern when we are really being kind or unkind, compassionate or contrived, authentic or appeasing. We connect with an internal compass, free from self-deception.When we enter recovery, often from a place of utter isolation, our craving for external validation can become overwhelming. We may have lost all connection with how to validate ourselves or trust our own judgments. Indeed, while connection with and guidance from others are essential for growth, we must be cautious not to rely too heavily on others’ evaluations of our progress. Relying on the reflections provided by others can be precarious, as this external feedback is not only shaped by the persona we present but also filtered through their biases and beliefs.A simple truth remains that we are ultimately responsible for our personal growth. We know better than anyone else where we have work to do and where our efforts are most evident. By maintaining integrity and authenticity in our self-assessment, we ensure that our paths towards recovery and growth remain true to our deepest selves.
Ally
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.Anaïs Nin
Ally
Self-abandonment occurs when one neglects their own needs and desires, overshadowed by the overwhelming urge to appease others. This behavior is often rooted in early family dynamics or relationships where expressing personal needs was discouraged, disregarded, or perceived as unsafe. As a result, individuals adopt roles or personas that garner approval and safety, sacrificing their authentic self-expression in the process.Well-worn paths are the easiest to tread. Understanding that self-abandonment often takes root in our formative years, its prevalence in adulthood is hardly unexpected. Children who perceive their needs as burdensome may grow into adults who suppress these impulses to maintain peace or avoid conflict. This suppression cultivates a terrain where self-worth diminishes, people-pleasing flourishes, and anxiety tightly grips one's identity. Over time, such neglect ushers in a disconnection with the authentic self and an overreliance on external validation for self-esteem and identity.In the spaces led by empathy, the path to reconnecting with our neglected selves becomes clear. Whether through therapy, guidance from wise mentors, or—most significantly—within ourselves, these are the places where we reclaim our authentic identities. We can find and develop our own inner allies and supportive voices. They are the parts of us that know how to hold space for others, how to support our loved ones, and how to show up for our fellows. Just as we validate the experiences of others, we can do so for ourselves—with our inner allies. They can act as a buffer against harsh self-criticism and advocate for personal well-being. They can affirm our individual feelings, encourage us to uphold our boundaries, and reinforce our inherent value. They can care for and accept us unconditionally.We can connect to parts of ourselves that have been ignored or suppressed, fostering a healthier self-relationship that supports better external relationships. It's about bringing kindness and understanding internally to parts that have felt unloved or unsupported. With this shift, we can more wisely perceive and react to our needs, letting go of incessant reliance on external references for our self-worth and identity.Overcoming self-abandonment is about reclaiming one’s right to self-care and self-respect. Within us are voices that can nurture and affirm rather than critique and constrain.
Empathy
Shared experiences, especially those shaped by addiction, create invaluable bonds between those who have faced similar struggles. We are able to instantly connect and commiserate with the type of pain in others that we too have experienced. This silent understanding, born from our common pain, becomes a refuge. In this space, even when words are hard to find, our empathy speaks loudly and clearly.The integrity of this bond is vital and must be protected, as it forms the pathway to healing. When we discredit, dismiss, or mock the pain of others, it is as if a wound is reopened. Words of judgment are always sharp, and the cruelty of indifference inevitably adds to another’s suffering. When we act with such indignance, we threaten to unravel the threads of trust and compassion that connect us in our shared human experience. A reminder emerges: that to dismiss another’s struggle is to dismiss our own.The gift of suffering enables us to resonate with the pain of others. Extending an open heart to our fellows is an act of grace. It’s our responsibility to defend both ourselves and others from cruelty, in the ways that we can. By holding space for those in pain and allowing for a softness to pervade, we foster environments where healing is possible.
Vitality
Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.Howard Thurman
Vitality
Vitality is many things: a mix of joy, purpose, fulfillment, and capability. It represents the essence of being fully alive, exercising our strengths while engaging in what matters most to us. It's about knowing that I can do something, why I am doing it, and recognizing the significance of my actions. As we exude this vibrancy in our passions, it is simultaneously replenished—a true life force.At the heart of vitality is the unique relationship it has with our inner strengths and personal values. When we feel free to choose and are confident in what we stand for—and in our ability to breathe life into these convictions—we access a precious and powerful energy. This energy transcends and even challenges our fears.How do we foster this feeling? It is found where we feel engaged and empowered, passionate, and resourced. Everyone's individual values and strengths are unique to them, guiding their aspirations in life. Philanthropy, advocacy, and the multitude of creative endeavors are a few such pursuits.In advocating for equality, freedom, and inclusivity, we can effect social change, strengthening our capacity for compassion, perhaps even amplifying the compassion within others. We discover a sense of purpose through altruism; volunteering, caregiving, mentoring, and service—giving freely what we have to give. With the many faces of creativity, of human ingenuity and physical expression, we connect with the indescribable joy, pain, sorrow, and wonder in other people—a feeling above words and beyond boundaries.A non-negotiable in our lives is the pursuit of what makes us feel the most alive. If we remain active and committed to our path of recovery, we can learn to release anything that diminishes our spirit. With the assurance that our personal values are valid, that we are justified in pursuing them, and that we are capable in our endeavors, we allow our vitality to fully blossom.
Knowing
In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few.Shunryu Suzuki
Knowing
The value of "knowing" is vast. It offers a sense of security. It offers a feeling of sureness and predictability to our world. While a reasonable degree of presumption and wisdom can guide us, the truth remains that many more things are out of our control - which then follows, out of our complete understanding, of our full “knowing.”Efficiency, wisdom, and faith rest assuredly atop the certainty of “knowing.” It serves us well when applied with care - and great care is needed as its shortcomings are often insidious. Overgeneralization reduces our curiosity. Premature judgment stops genuine inquiry. And when we make assumptions, we can shirk responsibility or commit to imagined circumstances.Adopting a stance of certainty can lead us astray when used to fuel rumination—'They hurt me, and I know they meant to.' It also amplifies fear—'Every time I put myself out there, it hurts. It always has, and it always will.’ Sometimes, conviction stifles opportunity before it even begins—'I will never get better. I've proven this time and time again, so I KNOW.'Grace allowing, it is through curiosity and a 'don't know' mindset that we rediscover the flexibility of our minds. The burdens of worry, expectation, shame, and blame originate from the same empty space—our open, unknowing mind. Yet, this space fills quickly with judgments and preconceptions.This cycle begins innocently: a blank mind meets an event, we analyze, then react. If our reactions lead us to a place of apathy, ill-will, fear, or contempt, they can harm ourselves and others. Furthermore, dwelling on the situation might push us into unnecessary resentment or unwittingly resurrect old compulsions.However, it is within our power to pause at that initial moment of emptiness—a blank slate before anticipation or judgment clouds the mind. It is stepping away from righteousness and into wonder. This openness liberates us from the harmful narratives to which we have unwaveringly pledged allegiance. We can let go of tired storylines built around what may be altogether untrue realities. Embracing the "don't know" mindset is not about nurturing ignorance, but rather about making a space for potential.
Contentment
Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.Lao Tzu
Contentment
What does it feel like to have enough? Contentment is the satisfaction with 'what is' in the present moment and, in a sense, it is the opposite of craving. Typically, contentment is regarded as contingent—a state that follows the attainment of wealth, material objects, accolades, or achievements, or is only experienced if certain conditions are satisfied.However, a more sustainable path to fulfillment exists, found both before desire and alongside craving, independent of our circumstances. Unconditional contentment emerges in the quiet presence of mind—by leaning into awareness and recognition of what we have at any given moment. In times when gratitude is scarce or temptation strong, this sense of contentment can be a steadfast ally.Noticing moments of 'enoughness' that permeate everyday life, pausing to let its impact land, is where it begins. This might be recognizing the satisfaction after a meal, the comfort of a deep breath, or the pause that follows laughter. The more familiar we become with this sensation, the more we notice other moments when it arises, gradually cultivating more opportunities to discover the innate fulfillment underlying much of our lives.By engaging directly with our senses and giving the present moment our undivided attention, we further deepen this connection. With vision, we are immersed in a spectrum of colors, light, and textures. Sounds, whether rich or sparse, may fully captivate us; even in silence, there is a palpable tonality. Drawing long and deep breaths, we notice our body's natural signaling of 'enoughness.' Such direct engagements as these promote a sense of completeness and contentment within us.When stipulations are placed on something as delicate as contentment, it becomes vulnerable to the traps of expectation and attachment. Contingencies like "I will feel better when I attain/achieve [blank]," can hinder progress, burdening us with endless desires.Recognizing and leaning into full presence offers gratitude, a satisfaction with simply ‘what is.’ External validation and material attachment can be let go and unconditional contentment can be found.
Precious
The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.Eleanor Roosevelt
Precious
Life, in all of its tranquility and turmoil, is the utmost privilege. Every peace, joy, and dream, as well as every moment of suffering, loss, and despair, are part of the human experience—an experience that is finite and only as certain as the present moment.Death is inevitable. It is a natural part of the cycle of life, and its contemplation offers us an invaluable opportunity. Acceptance of death need not be seen as a renunciation of hope or a resignation of spirit; rather, it's an invitation to live with resolve, inspired and grateful. From this viewpoint, we may let it serve as a motivator rather than command as a fear.We hold the power to participate in our lives with intention, embracing gratitude for our journey thus far, meeting the present moment with clarity, and cherishing the chance to look forward to tomorrow. Fulfillment lies in seeking peace, healing wounds we've inflicted on ourselves and others, and offering love freely. It’s about setting aspirations in motion, ensuring they are not extinguished by doubt.And if trepidation visits, it can be thanked—for the resolve it instills in our intentions moving forward. Our roles in our lives are meaningful, and the opportunity to live is precious. Life, in all of its tranquility and turmoil, is the utmost privilege.
Seeking support is a sign of strength.
Help is always available.
You Matter.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Blame
Blame is a response to discomfort that offers a temporary shelter of control and justification. Yet, it can act as a barrier to self-understanding and an excuse to avoid facing parts of ourselves we're not proud of or ready to confront. In our quest to assign responsibility, we may miss a deeper truth about our inner selves and the situations at hand.In moments of uncertainty or when faced with the repercussions of our actions, the desire for control can become overwhelming. Blame steps in as a potent respite, offering orientation and a feeling of finality to our discomfort. Certainly, accountability is an immutable principle, and as such, it must be wisely considered. How much time, though, do we spend in this quest for the perfect culprit, and upon finding it, in validating our justification?There's an irony in how blame operates: it can wrongly direct fault both outward and inward, inviting undue penance. By hastily taking on guilt, we embrace a form of self-imposed helplessness, undermining our integrity and avoiding real resolution. True accountability emerges from right inquiry, intention, and action. It's found in our resolve not to perpetuate suffering, either to ourselves or others.When faced with pain, our instinct is to seek control, to find something or someone to bear the burden of our mental state. By stepping past blame, we realize that the true perpetuator of our pain is our reaction to it, not the cause. Blame may inform us, but it fails to foster true healing or peace of mind. In relinquishing exhaustive efforts to find fault, we may discover a quiet serenity.
Surrender
Accepting "powerlessness" in the face of life's challenges is inherently difficult. Realizing that what was once a useful tool has become something we're defenseless against marks a harsh reality.Cherished and well-worn are the paths of escapism. We have found that acting on impulse is a luring relief, as it demands no consideration of the repercussions that lie ahead. It’s a swift escape that only asks us to succumb to immediate desires. We've also come to understand that, whether it's through substances or behaviors, once we indulge, our control—our power over them—is lost. However, in seeking the refuge of surrender, we find our battles more wisely fought.Surrender is not about admitting defeat. Nor is it about betraying our sense of self. Rather, it’s a strategic realignment of our efforts. It’s an invitation to deploy our resources wisely, to perceive situations as they truly are, and to discern where, if at all, our will may be effective.Growth begins when we clearly recognize our individual limitations, as it reveals the areas where we need support. By identifying our weaknesses and thoughtfully focusing our energy, a true fortitude emerges.What can I surrender today?
Process
To "trust the process" can serve as a mantra, as assurance, and as instruction. Witnessing the peace, progress, and wisdom in those around us—those who have been where we were and further to where we would like to go—offers us assurance and hope.When the next step forward seems unclear, uncomfortable, or seemingly unnecessary, we find confidence in seeing the resilience and growth of those around us. If they have found tranquility and healing on this path, it inspires hope that we may too—if we remain open, willing, and have the courage to follow through.And if doubts creep in or fear coerces us astray, we can slow to pause and realign our efforts with our values—with the principles we share with our path of recovery. We can draw from the strength of our mentors, peers, our community, of the process of recovery itself. We may find gratitude for a path to follow, should we choose, and we may find trust in all these to continue forward.We are reminded that we're not just walking for ourselves but paving the way for others. Our journey binds us together. As we strengthen our trust in the process of recovery, we give reason to others to place trust in it too.
Understanding
Harmony is the balance of differing voices coming together to create a richer, more peaceful whole. Our capacity to understand one another begins with understanding ourselves. Our merits and faults shape how we show up in the world along with our likes, dislikes, biases and impartiality. In seeking deeper self-knowledge we can uncover pathways to empathy and broader connection.Understanding ourselves brings clarity, allowing us to recognize our strengths, granting dignity and validation. We also confront our flaws—envy, fear, and judgment. Similarly, shifting the focus outward reveals the same good and bad. It is imperative that we recognize the good in others — much easier when we stop magnifying their shortcomings.Addressing our inner conflicts, triggers and fears facilitates genuine self-acceptance. Ignoring these aspects of ourselves denies the possibility for healing and growth. Unwittingly, we end up harboring, and even protecting, a defect. This breeds inner dissonance. It strips us of the level ground needed to see another eye-to-eye. A calm foundation from which judgment is relinquished and support is freely given.In careful and compassionate self-understanding, we learn to appreciate and value ourselves, unlocking the capacity to see worth in others. The pursuit of healing and peace transcends individual differences. It's a collective endeavor that, while personal in journey, is communal in its destination.
Awareness
Recognizing negative patterns and proactively addressing them is crucial for personal development. To deny frustration from blossoming into resentment, embarrassment from turning into harsh self-criticism, or a simple concern from becoming obsessive worry, all begins with one powerful tool: awareness.Awareness involves the mindful observation of our thoughts and emotions, providing a moment of clarity and pause. This pause is essential, allowing the space to align our actions with our values and to steer clear of impulse and reactivity driven by unchecked emotions. How often are we driven as if by pure impulse, with craving, hostility, or cowardice at the wheel? Or worse, sometimes we arrive at a confusing dissonance, feeling like we never intended to do something, couldn’t stop once we started, and then repeated the cycle again. The loop of reflex and regret thrives when our awareness is dim.A more deliberate and compassionate approach in our thinking is needed. Practices like meditation, journaling, breathing exercises, yoga, and engaging in mindfulness across a variety of activities can enhance awareness. Anything that anchors the mind in the present moment and encourages non-judgmental observation of thoughts will deepen our practice. The more we acquaint ourselves with the sensation of awareness, the more we experience it in every aspect of our lives, leading to actions that are more aligned with our values.With this we choose to live with intention, letting our actions feel like they are truly ours.
Stagnation
Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.Albert Einstein
Stagnation
Stagnation is the thief of progress and potential. It often takes hold slowly, gaining the most control over us as we seemingly gain the most control over our lives. With the sheen of new opportunities fading, what used to be great privileges might now resemble tired obligations. Within this lies the fear of losing comfort and the resistance to change and it can keep us reluctant, stunted, and stuck.Stagnation often emerges silently as we indulge our basic need for comfort, gaining a greater hold the more comfortable we become. It can be more than just a mere pause in progress. It can encroach upon one's ability to realize potential, engage with life fully, and cultivate meaning. The psychological toll is notable, as feelings of dissatisfaction and regret amass. If left unchallenged, it can spiral into depression, anxiety, or, worse, isolation and apathy.The journey out begins with recognition—a realization of the need for change. Courage must follow to confront fears, embrace the risk of failure for the possibility of success, and initiate movement towards a new trajectory. Fortunately, in recovery, we have many catalysts available to help precipitate this change. It may take something or someone to help us build the momentum needed to break free from the gravity of our situation. This takes humility. Mentors, greater guiding forces, therapy, our communities, our programs—each is a tool at the ready should we choose to use them.Awareness, courage, and humility are comforts that stagnation cannot compromise. With these, we realize our potential and continue to grow.
Acceptance
At the heart of peace lies acceptance. To accept is not to approve, but to acknowledge life as it is, regardless of our preferences, without resistance or objection. In life, we encounter pain and misfortune that are outside of our control. How quickly we choose to accept our conditions - our reality - dictates how soon we may find peace.Everyone will have their share of pain, discomfort, and grief. This suffering is universal. However, how we react to these challenges can either exacerbate or alleviate further suffering. Resisting the truth of a situation will only yield delay - not reprieve. We cannot deny a misstep of our past. We cannot avoid illness or loss. We cannot dissuade misfortune from falling upon us, nor upon our loved ones.Though to accept these truths - ugly, unfair, and hurtful as they may be, is the first step in finding a serenity. Stepping from resentment to reconciliation starts with one movement: acceptance. From this grace, we can then better direct our efforts towards whatever comes next in life, be it challenging, fortunate, or benign. Be it the next thing to simply - accept.
Lovingkindness
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.Dalai Lama [Tenzin Gyatso]
Lovingkindness
May I be happy.
May I be safe.
May I be healthy.
May I live with ease.These are the messages of lovingkindness - a genuine and intentional wish for the well-being of all.How often do we truly extend kindness without expecting anything in return? Can we commit to a practice of caring for all beings, free of personal preferences and biases? Lovingkindness is about that unconditional benevolence. It's not about liking everyone and everything; it's about sincere, unforced goodwill towards all beings. This kindness starts within us and extends outward – to loved ones, strangers, and even perceived adversaries alike. It teaches us to respond to hurt not with anger, but with compassion and understanding, fostering empathy and granting a calm to our emotions.In embracing radical acceptance we see the world and its beings as they are, not as we wish them to be. Just as we inherently belong to the experience of life, so do all. Let this acceptance guide our actions, turning goodwill into a natural response. Each act of kindness connects us, reminding us of our shared existence and sheds the insidious harm of harboring ill-will.May you be happy.
May you be safe.
May you be healthy.
May you live with ease.
Wins
The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.Ralph Waldo Emerson
Wins
Along our journey, we will succeed. Have I paused to acknowledge victories, big and small? Be it either silent triumphs or celebrated milestones, victories are crucial elements of growth. When we humbly appreciate our achievements, our pride is
strengthened, and another gratitude fostered. And in nurturing our sense of inner worth, we’re compelled to face further challenges.Wins are precious. They are the sighs of relief when an adversary, lurking within or beyond, loses their grip on our tranquility. They are the times we are shown where our perseverance and fortitude have paid off - jobs well done and success hard-won. It’s here, when life offers this warmth and grace, we are given the opportunity to receive an important affirmation - that we are capable, strong, and resilient.However, past regrets and guilt might amplify our mind's inclination towards negativity. Perfectionism might prey on our self-esteem, setting unreachable goals and overlooking challenges overcome along the way. Barriers like these make us feel as though our successes are not enough, or that we are not deserving of praise, or worse still, that we are not deserving of success at all.We can learn, though, that all achievements have merit. Everyone is deserving of pride and contentment - of healthy self-esteem. With care to avoid attachment to outcomes and the presence of mind to temper expectations, we can prosper. We can humbly accept wins earned and step forward into life's challenges with quiet, confident readiness.
NYE Ritual
As this year comes to a close, we embrace reflection, release, and renewal. Let us release what no longer serves us and move into the new year with renewed clarity and lightness.
Tools:
Pen / pencil
Paper
Preparation:
Settle into a quiet space where you can focus and center yourself.
Ritual:
Reflect on the year gone by, focusing on both what was within your control and what wasn't, and what you're ready to let go of.
Fold your paper in half. Being as detailed or brief as you feel necessary, write in the two sections:
Within My Control:Write about personal decisions and actions from the past year that you now see could have been handled differently. This could include actions you wish you hadn’t taken, words you wish you hadn't said, or opportunities you missed.“I regret…”
“I wish I had(n’t)…”
Beyond My Control:Acknowledge situations and influences that were beyond your control, including actions of others and/or unforeseen hardships. These could include feelings of resentment, fears, or disappointments.“I resent…”
“I felt helpless when…”
After writing, hold the paper in your hands and take a moment to feel the weight of these words. Then, gently tear the paper into smaller and smaller pieces, visualizing the release of each and every one of the burdens. Completely and certainly let them go.Allow yourself a moment of gratitude for the lessons they've provided.Thoughtfully discard the torn pieces. You may choose to place them in a wastebasket, or if you prefer, scatter them on the ground outside, allowing them to return to the earth
It is done. Unburdened and hopeful, step into the new year clear and empowered.
Stillness
Peace is not the absence of chaos. It is the presence of tranquility and joy in the midst of chaos.Debasish Mridha
Stillness
The affairs of life bring us joy, sorrow, opportunity, and hardship. In our constant pursuit, we often find ourselves chasing pleasure or fleeing from pain. In our rush to find solutions, we are inevitably struck by an illuminating insight -- the world seems to whirl around us, and we often feel compelled to match its pace in all our endeavors. Amidst this hustle, there's a common misbelief: serenity and peace follow effort, rather than existing alongside it.The stillness of mind is a powerful tool, serving as a refuge in our busy lives, providing clarity and opportunities to see and do the next right thing. It’s in moments of rested awareness that this quiet harmony emerges. Practicing stillness can be as easy as a mindful breath, as deep as meditation, or as simple as being fully present in the current moment. It encourages us to step back, reflect, and approach life with intentionality.This can be easily forgotten, though, as our world is abundant, complex, and ever-changing. Daily life can be a cacophony where myriad voices and events clamor for our attention. Adding to the noise, often louder than all, are our own discomforts, demanding swift relief. While we certainly need to attend to our affairs, as resolution and change depend on our decisions, not everything requires our immediate action, if any action is needed at all. We might forget that the key to peace lies in the true essence of grace: accepting things as they unfold and relinquishing the urge to shape them to our will.Stillness may be challenging to grasp at times, but it is never out of reach. We can learn to set aside impulsivity. Patience, both in triumphs and trials, gives purpose to our decisions. In quiet resonance with our higher selves, in harmony with a greater guiding force, we can move in sync, slow to a pause, and live with intention.
Ambivalence
Ambivalence is a wonderful tune to dance to. It has a rhythm all its own.Erica Jong
Ambivalence
Ambivalence is a state of holding two conflicting thoughts or emotions at the same time. This is not the same as having no opinion or not caring. Rather, we have contradictory or mixed feelings about something or someone. We do care – we are torn.We likely recognize our tendency to split our perceptions into clear-cut, often contrasting categories: good/bad, right/wrong, fair/unfair, us/them, always/never. This habit proves useful in certain contexts. It offers protection from inner conflict and uncertainties. Acting as a shield against anxiety and internal strife, it helps us avoid dealing in grey areas or untangling intricacies. However, it’s important to acknowledge that both nuance and ambiguity, though challenging, are crucial for a more meaningful understanding of ourselves, our relationships, and the world.Through ambivalence, our judgments become gentler and our insights more profound, granting an opening for empathy. Though it may be uncomfortable, we don't have to view this as distressing. Instead, it's an opportunity to seek insight and connect with a greater guiding force. We’re invited to consider the idea that no choice is inherently flawed. Further we may even see few things are truly binary. Every decision, including those that momentarily mislead us, may still foster our growth.Bearing contradictory feelings is challenging. When we accept these inner conflicts, we open doors to empathy. We start to see the world not just in one way, but in many hues, a wisdom gained from the ability to comprehend and coexist with complexity.
Together
In active addiction, we're alone and adrift. Yet, here in this space, we come together, bonded in our quest for serenity from compulsion, forming a community of understanding and empathy. We've learned that the path of sobriety is not paved with unsolicited advice or overwhelming interventions. Instead, it is the shared stories of our struggles and triumphs that guide our way. Each of us carries a unique narrative, and in these narratives, we find not just lessons, but hope and a sense of belonging.Undoubtedly, the damage and disorder caused by our actions have rightfully invited the awakening we needed. Well-intentioned loved ones, either openly or unknowingly, may have shielded us from consequences, while furious reprimands might have broken our spirit or fueled our defiance. More often, an earnest sense of belonging cultivates an openness within us, attracting us to sincere change. This belonging is found as we witness the struggles, resilience, and optimism in others' journeys, which echo, inform, and inspire our own.Nobody here is alone. Our sharing of the days darkened by addiction and our ongoing quest for guidance is more than mere storytelling; it's a beacon for all. We stand together in this journey, not as saviors or judges, but as fellow travelers offering a listening ear and a shared understanding.Our strength lies not in telling others how to walk their path, but in walking alongside them, sharing our experiences, and learning from each other.
reflection
In moments of rest and reflection, I gently acknowledge the distance I have traveled. I am conscious of the ongoing presence of past struggles within me, alongside the healing of wounds now closed. I see that life's journey encompasses both light and shadow, as I walk through strife and find resolution.Reflection is more than reminiscing; it is an active engagement with our inner selves, a recognition of our growth. Through time and perseverance, what was once painful has transformed into relief. Where turmoil once reigned, a space of peace now exists — a testament to resilience. In the scars we bear, there is comforting solace, symbols of our journey through and towards healing.The road of recovery may not always be linear or clear, yet in moments of reflection, we recognize our capability and resilience. We are constantly evolving, learning, and growing stronger with each step towards serenity and self-compassion. Let us pause in moments of tranquility to honor our growth.
Projection
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.Carl Jung
Projection
Projection in psychology is the unconscious act of attributing our internal struggles and emotions to others, especially in close relationships. We often mistakenly view others, such as partners, as the cause of our negative feelings, when in reality, they are merely triggering pre-existing emotions within us. This leads to a destructive cycle where we attempt to change or suppress our partner to alleviate our own discomfort, thereby escalating relationship tensions. The issue typically arises from denying parts of ourselves, leading to feelings like anxiety, jealousy, or resentment.Projection usually involves traits we're reluctant to acknowledge in ourselves. These traits are then projected onto our partners, straining the relationship. As unresolved issues accumulate, they deplete our emotional energy, making it more difficult to confront and resolve these conflicts. The more they accumulate, the less energy we have for critical self-reflection and healing, thus perpetuating the cycle and intensifying our internal struggles.Addressing this issue involves embracing and befriending our 'inner demons,' significantly reducing their influence on our lives and relationships. Recognizing these elements as defense mechanisms helps us understand their protective role against difficult emotions and their potential to harm relationships. Practices like mindfulness, mentorship, or counseling can be instrumental in this process, aiding in integrating these aspects of ourselves. Embracing honesty and self-awareness fosters deeper, more genuine connections.
Resources
Values Ritual
This ritual is a journey into self-discovery, aiming to understand and illuminate our core values. These values serve as guiding lights on our path.
Tools:
Pen / pencil
Paper
Scissors (optional)
Ritual:
Choose a tranquil space for introspection. Begin by folding the paper in half twice, creating four sections. Then, cut or tear along the folds to make four slips. On each, you will explore different life aspects that shape your values.Below are four life facets. On each slip, list three or more elements related to them. If nothing comes to mind, that's okay.
Essentials & Rituals: Reflect on daily necessities and personal rituals that sustain and comfort you. These could be your glasses, morning coffee, or cherished keepsakes. Include routines like exercise, yoga, prayer, or meditation.Sacred Spaces: Identify places of special significance. These could be tranquil, safe, or rejuvenating spaces like a childhood home, a retreat, or an inspiring city.Influential People: Think about people who have significantly shaped your life. This could include mentors, family, friends, inspirational figures, or communities.Growth Paths Consider activities like hobbies that nurture your growth, alongside future aspirations. This includes career goals, personal development, or recovery milestones.
As you fill each slip, reflect on your choices. What do these reveal about your priorities and values? Notice any recurring themes or diverse values. If a slip is blank, set it aside.After filling the slips, we'll assign values to each.Take each slip and turn it over. Write at least 2 values corresponding to the items listed.
Examples:
- Essentials & Rituals: “clarity” for glasses
- Sacred Spaces: “safety” for your home
- Influential People: “inspiration” for a mentor
- Growth Paths: “expression” for a hobby like cooking
An expanded list of values is provided at the end of this sheet.Take time to find the right values. Repeated values are fine. If you're unsure, leave it for later.Review the slips with the values. Identify repeated values or if similar values can be simplified into one.These represent your core personal values.Each is a meditation on what matters most to you.
It is done. Let this clarity guide your path in staying supportive and true to your deepest self.
Desire
"In moments of intense searching, have I overlooked answers that might already be present in my life?" This highlights a key aspect of desire—it's not just about wanting; it's about the gap between where we are and where we want to be. When our focus is solely on the outcome, we often miss the journey and the solutions that lie therein. Particularly in the quest for understanding and clarity, the act of seeking itself can become the greatest distraction.In our desiring, a curious truth emerges: the more intensely we search, the less we find. It seems that when we ease our desperation, answers and insights have a way of appearing on their own. This however isn’t an argument for inaction, but rather a nuanced understanding of the fine line between trying too hard and allowing things to unfold naturally. Moreover we often mistakenly believe that we're separate from what we're seeking. Yet many times, the answers are embedded within our own experiences and perspectives. Acknowledging this can lead to a deeper sense of self-awareness and gratitude.How then do we navigate this delicate balance? Action is necessary, but it must be differentiated from forceful striving. It's not about resignation, but about surrendering to the process and turning our gaze inward. Embracing gratitude helps us connect with our inner wisdom. When we stop pushing and start surrendering, we often find what we've been looking for.
Smallness
In our journey, the allure of monumental change can often eclipse the subtle power of smallness. While we may be quite capable of grand achievements and heroic deeds, such opportunities are rare. Our lives are largely made up of simple things: quiet moments of reflection, routine errands, and daily commutes to name a few. These often pass unremarkably, yet they are essential. Within the discipline of tending to these modest efforts lies the foundation of our larger life experiences.Grand gestures are rare. For example, a student’s graduation is a brief moment of acclaim, coming after years of diligent study. The masterpieces of great artists or the finest compositions of renowned musicians represent just a fraction of their overall work.In the pursuit of significant achievements, we must be cautious not to overlook the abundance of small opportunities life presents. A fixation on major successes can leave us with feelings of dissatisfaction, as if fate has ignored us or our talents have gone unappreciated.By cherishing the simple and adopting humility, I open myself to the true richness of life, finding fulfillment in the small, yet crucial steps of my journey.
Bias
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself — and you are the easiest person to fool.Richard P. Feynman
Bias
Cognitive biases are systematic patterns of deviation from rational judgment, where individuals unconsciously process information through filters based on their past experiences and preferences. One such bias is confirmation bias, where we focus on details that support our pre-existing beliefs and overlook contradictory evidence. In recovery, this might mean reminiscing over positive memories with substance use while ignoring the harm caused. Or we may fixate on unfavorable outcomes in life’s trials, interpreting occasional setbacks as signs of inevitable failure. Such narrow perspectives can erode our self-confidence and hinder progress.Breaking free from the grip of confirmation bias requires conscious effort and vigilance. It involves actively seeking out and considering information that challenges one’s existing beliefs. In the journey of recovery, this means openly listening to the advice of others who have walked similar paths, taking in both support and critique. Embracing mindfulness practices and meditation can also be beneficial, as they encourage a non-judgmental awareness of one’s thoughts and feelings, providing the space to distinguish between biased perceptions and objective reality.May I see the whole picture, not just the parts that fit my existing beliefs. Each step I take is guided by a willingness to see beyond my preconceptions, and in doing so, I move closer to genuine freedom and healing.
Solace Ritual
In moments of doubt and uncertainty, a reminder of our own strength can be a beacon of hope. By taking this time, here and now, we can craft a note to our future selves, offering solace in our own voice.
Tools:
Pen / pencil
Paper
Ritual:
Find a quiet space where you can focus and center yourself. Reflect on the words you'd most wish to hear in times of need. Let feelings of kindness, love, confidence, and understanding be your guide. Write a note to your future self.
This could be comforting suggestions such as:- “My strength has gotten me this far. I am strong when…”
- “Peace is in my mind. I can uncover it by…”
- “In challenging times, I can always recall…”
- “Hold onto this mantra…”Or affirmations:- "I am enough just as I am."
- "It's okay to feel what I'm feeling."
- "I deserve happiness and peace.”
- "Breathe. Take things moment by moment."
- “This too shall pass.”
- “I am not alone.”
- “I matter and I am valued.”
After writing, fold your note and take a deep breath. Offer yourself silently or aloud a promise:"I am here for myself, now and always."Choose a spot to store this letter. It might be somewhere unexpected, so you might stumble upon it when you least expect it. Or you may select a special spot where you can retrieve it during trying times.
It is done. As you are here for yourself now, you will be there for yourself then.
Self-Worth
There are times when the shadows of addiction obscure my vision, making me question my worth and potential. As my self-worth wanes, am I letting go of dreams and aspirations that once compelled me?While addiction has the power to distort our self-view, it's crucial to remember that our inherent value remains unchanged. Our mistakes aren't indicators of our worth. By seeking support, practicing self-compassion, and setting small goals, I can reclaim my self-worth, bit by bit.May I find the resilience to combat the self-doubt that has been sown within me. Let me see myself not as incapable or unworthy, but as one who deserves the pursuit of dreams that once fueled my spirit.
Perspective
Our perspectives, deeply rooted in emotional and bodily experiences, shape how we perceive and react to life events. They allow us to recognize patterns and navigate life. Although beneficial for survival, their inflexibility can hinder our emotional and mental growth.Perspectives hold the significance we give to our world. A healthy view is realistic, promotes well-being, and is flexible, adjusting with new insights. Yet, many of us get ensnared by limiting beliefs and narratives, like negative self-talk or adopting a pessimistic view of the world.However, we have the power to change our narratives. Our perspectives are self-created, and with the right tools, we can reshape them. By distancing ourselves from limiting views, challenging our beliefs, and reimagining scenarios, we can shift our mindset. Even a simple change in language can make a difference, turning perceived duties into opportunities.Ultimately, by adopting an empowering perspective and seeing challenges as opportunities, we can enhance our well-being, paving the path for a life of resilience, understanding, and joy.
Perspective
Changing one's perspective is a transformative journey that involves recognizing the flexibility of our viewpoints and actively working to reshape them. Here's a consolidated guide on how to embark on this introspective path:
• De-centering: Begin by distancing oneself from deep-seated viewpoints. Understand that perspectives are constructed by the mind, making them malleable by nature.• Questioning and Validity: Challenge your perspectives. Instead of accepting "this is just the way things are," open yourself up to the vast world of possibilities. Ask probing questions like:
- "What if it were true that people really like me?"
- "How could I be wrong in my assumptions?"
- "What if I had the power to change my environment?"• Exploration and Role-playing: Use imaginative techniques like role-playing and visualizing alternative outcomes. For instance, imagine living in an alternative possibility or consider how someone you admire would handle a situation.• Staying Open: When faced with a problem, try to see the other side of the story. Extend your openness and ask, “can I stay a little longer in the world of possibility?” Remember, you always have the choice to revert to your original perspective if the new one doesn't resonate.• Reframing Language: A change in narrative can make a significant difference. For instance, pivot from "I have to..." to "I get to..."• Seeking Inspiration: Draw insights from those you admire. How would they approach a similar situation? Their perspective might offer a fresh take that you hadn't considered.• Embrace Impermanence: Understand that everything is constantly evolving, and not every similar experience will end the same way. This realization can help in breaking the mold of old perspectives.
In essence, changing perspective is about challenging, questioning, and reshaping our deeply entrenched viewpoints. Embracing this process can lead to greater clarity, understanding, and personal growth.
Forgiveness
Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Forgiveness
In a Buddhist tale, two men meet,
one of whom had endured wrongful imprisonment for years.When asked if he had forgiven his captors after gaining his freedom,
he replied with a resounding 'no.'To which the other man responded,
'Then you are not truly free but still imprisoned.'
Forgiveness
Impermanence permeates every aspect of life. Situations, emotions, and people are in a constant state of change. Refusing to forgive someone for their past actions results in inner suffering. This fixation keeps us tethered to the past, where we remain affected by a past person for their past deeds.Both they and we have evolved over time. Forgiveness not only breaks our fixed perceptions in an ever-changing world but also allows us an opportunity to offer compassion and understanding to others. In doing so, we offer ourselves healing and peace.
Emptiness
We join spokes together in a wheel,
but it is the center hole
that makes the wagon move.We shape clay into a pot,
but it is the emptiness inside
that holds whatever we want.We hammer wood for a house,
but it is the inner space
that makes it livable.We work with being,
but non-being is what we use.Lao Tzu. (1988). Tao Te Ching (S. Mitchell, Trans.)
Emptiness
The concept of embracing mental emptiness holds profound significance as it touches the core of personal growth and transformation. When our minds are cluttered with opinions and judgments, there is little room for new ideas to take root. It's akin to filling a vessel to its brim, leaving no space for change or fresh opportunities to flow in. In the journey of recovery, this concept takes on even greater importance, emphasizing the art of creating room for new beginnings.This act of "holding space" stands as one of the most potent tools in the process of recovery and, indeed, in nurturing authentic human connections. Love, at its essence, embodies the art of pure presence, free from judgment or preconceived notions. It represents the release of our grip on pride, a graceful expression of humility, and an acknowledgment that sometimes, the most impactful way to support others is by granting them the space to be their true selves.
Emptiness
In the emptiness of the mind, we uncover an opportunity for usefulness. Let us tread with care as we release intolerance and reluctance. We need not burden ourselves with self-filling; instead, let us remain open, receptive, and ever-prepared to be of use.
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AA/12 Step Meetings
Alcoholics Anonymous/12 Step Meetings have the most support out there. It isn't a religion-based program, though God talk can come up a lot. The most important thing to recognize is that what 12 step is actually referring to is a Higher Power which some call God. Higher Power can be anything one wants - Love, Compassion, the Universe, Nature, etc. The idea is that it is something OTHER than yourself.Directory of Online AA meetings - aa-intergroup.orgIn the Rooms (variety of 12 step groups) -
intherooms.com
Dharma Meetings
Dharma meetings are a Buddhist based format. There are no requirements to be Buddhist. They focus on meditation and mindfulness. I love these. There is spiritual suggestions but it doesn't have a theistic feel.Directory of Recovery Dharma Meetings - recoverydharma.onlinerecoverydharma.org
Other
These are groups that are recovery based that lean more towards just being support groups. This is actually where I very first started.Sober Faction is an official campaign of The Satanic Temple. It's a recovery community with meetings thesatanictemple.com/pages/sober-factionARCH is a peer support recovery community based in science, not superstition. This is a group that focuses on inclusivity. They do zoom meetings linktr.ee/A.R.C.H
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